Five reasons I'm a better person because I've worked in Residential Treatment

I've had some thoughts floating around in my head for the past few weeks and I just want to get them written down before my pregnant brain allows them to vanish forever. I am SO, SO grateful for my experiences working at a Residential Treatment Center (RTC).  Just as a little background for those of you who don't totally know what an RTC is: RTCs are basically live-in health care facilities where teenagers come to live, go to school, and receive intensive therapeutic services. The place I work is a lock-down setting (I've also worked in a less intense therapeutic boarding school). The center I'm at now provides treatment for adolescents with lots of different issues. . . oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, depression and suicidal ideation, reactive attachment disorder, bipolar disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, educational issues and histories of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. There's always a lot going on with these kids! I'm a recreational therapist and currently work primarily with 15 to 17-year old boys with behavioral misconduct issues. I think I'm a better person because of the time I've spent with them. Here's why.

Week in the Life: Tuesday

My days look a little different every day because some days I work (I'm a recreational therapist at a residential treatment center for teenagers). It sure keeps things interesting! Here's a recap of my Tuesday September 10, 2013.  PS. I talked about the "Week in the Life" project here.

I Want to Remember.

One night last week JD and I traveled up the canyon near our home to cook hamburgers for dinner. The babe fell asleep on the way and slept the whole time we were gone. . . so it was practically  like we were on a date alone together! The mountain air was refreshing, the food was tasty, and the company was pleasant. While JD was preparing our burgers, I wandered over to a nearby stream. In my few moments of reflection, I kept thinking, "I want to remember."   

I want to remember nights like this one. I want to remember the evenings we spent together, intentionally trying to connect and build our relationship. I want to remember the exhilarating rush of still being so in love with my husband. 

RT Retreat.

This post is a little late, but I recently got these pictures back from a friend at work and had to share. When I was 30 weeks pregnant, the recreation therapy (RT) department at work had a little retreat. We floated the Provo River, zip-lined through Provo Canyon, and ate dinner together at one of my favorite places, Brick Oven. I loved every minute of spending time with these folks in such a gorgeous setting (And don't you worry. . . I wore a full-body harness while zip-linging to alleviate the pressure on my belly. There was minimal to no risk for me or baby!) 

Half the department is pregnant!

All of us together.

Ready for adventure!

On the zip-line. What a rush!

Love that glorious sunshine.

In case you didn't know, I work full-time as a recreational therapist at an adolescent residential treatment center. I love what I do and, as you can imagine, I'm a pretty big believer in the healing power of wholesome recreation and leisure.  I feel so lucky and grateful that my smooth, healthy pregnancy has allowed me to continue doing all the active things I'm used to and love doing. I had no hesitations being involved in this retreat or any of the other adventure outings we provided for the residents at work this summer. At 23 weeks pregnant, I spent the night in Moab with a group of boys and took them hiking and river rafting (those rapids were a joke!) At 31 weeks, we went canoeing. And most recently, at 35 weeks, I camped overnight and hiked with the boys to a landing up Big Cottonwood Canyon to supervise outdoor rock climbing. Gosh, I just love seeing teenagers experience new and rewarding things and can't imagine a job quite as rewarding as the one I've got :)

Back at BYU.

I'm back at BYU tonight. JD's busy throwing Jeff's bachelor party (he gets married Friday!) and I needed to study for my big test in two days. I've been cramming so much the past few hours and my brain is starting to hurt from thinking too much. I feel so strange being in this library- on this campus really. I still have to pinch myself every few days. . . am I really a college graduate? Where did the time go? I must've missed my life. It feels like only a few weeks ago that I made my dad pull over at the "Welcome to Utah" sign for a picture on our way up to Provo with all my stuff for college.  Just weeks ago, I swear, I was dressing up for dance parties, seeing a counselor about what to do with my life, flirting with boys I didn't like to try and get over ones I really did, carving pumpkins, taking aerobics, spying on the guitar-playing neighbor boys across the street, and dreaming of being an EFY counselor and serving an LDS mission. And then, oh! The glorious summer. Wasn't it just weeks ago? I was serving queso with my favorite girls, staying up late to watch the stars, jumping on the trampoline, receiving flowers, letting my heart learn to love again, soaking in the sun with my sisters, and sharing my faith with someone new. Weeks ago, really, I was moving in with 5 new girls, having roommate basketball wars, discovering a profession that totally intrigued me, fighting my head for what I knew in my heart, going country dancing, dressing up in themes for Halloween, inviting a boy home for Christmas, and accepting a marriage proposal. My life plans changed. I was pushing my emotional and physical limits working with a hard population, planning a wedding, fighting my fears, living with my future in-laws, and preparing to go to the temple. Weeks ago, I was making a promise, using a passport for the first time, painting furniture, seeing a boy in the nude, managing bills, adjusting to having a new family, and cooking meals for two. Oh! how the time has flown! I am back at BYU tonight and my thoughts are skipping and dancing in and out of old memories. The test I take the day after tomorrow is the capstone of my academic growth and learning at this university. I'll get a degree in the mail in the next few days. Hopefully, I'll get a license to practice what I've learned. But more than anything, what I'll take from BYU is a deeper, more powerful understanding of my Savior, a stronger faith in Him, a handful of friends who mean more to me than words can express, a collection of experiences and life lessons to buoy me up in hard times, a strong work ethic, and a profound appreciation for God's hand in my life. My BYU experience didn't turn out exactly how I imagined it, but it was beautiful and wonderful nevertheless. And, tonight, my heart is full.

I've been a little busy.

Sorry I've been a little busy... packing, selling a contract, moving, visiting with my mom, studying for my big test, training for my new job, unpacking. . . oh yeah, and graduating!

See you more next week after I'm finally done with my certification test and can call myself an official recreation therapist!

Only Happiness?

Sometimes I feel like posting without pictures is lame, but today all I have is words. I started reading a book this evening my mother-in-law gave to me months ago called Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words. It's moving and powerful and has already got me thinking about how much influence words have. I'm feeling overwhelmed by the idea of being a licensed therapist in just a weeks' time and needing to know all the right words to say at all the right times. I'm also worried (because I'm a talker and sometimes say too many words) that I won't allow patients the opportunity to find their own words and be able to process through hard things. Sometimes I want happiness so badly for the girls I work with (and for myself) that I push away sadness and pain and hurt and anger and fear. While helping my husband write his research paper on motivation tonight, I ran across this quote from a book I read in one of my recreation classes:

When people want only happiness, they can actually undermine their own development because their quest for happiness can lead them to suppress other aspects of their experience. Wanting to be happy can lead people to avoid it (i.e.suppress) sadness when a loved one dies, or to avoid fear in the face of peril. The true meaning of being alive is not just to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotions.

-Edward L. Deci, Why We Do What We Do: Understaninding Self-Motivation

I remember reading this a few years ago and feeling touched by the sentiment. Tonight, again, it spoke to me. Even though being stressed, anxious, or sad isn't always wonderful, I am grateful for the opportunity to live. To experience. To understand.

Thank goodness Heavenly Father knows we wouldn't learn happiness just by being happy. I'm so glad He's in control, and not me.

ONE.

Thank you sweet girls for learning with me, laughing with me, praying with me, studying with me, researching with me, processing with me, and being my friends. It was such a good last semester :)

Now. . . onto our internships!

Starting in ONE week. EEKS!

Purple nailpolish.

Cory always paints her nails pretty colors. I miss lots of things about living with her, but I particularly miss nail-painting parties. JD just doesn't get it. . . but he did let me buy some pretty purple-y, eh, more lavender-ish nail polish last week at Smith's. My collection now includes 4 shades of pink and. . .purple. Monochromatic, no? The point is my nails have been polished purple for a whole week now and they still make me smile. I'm not too hard to please.

I spent this last weekend training to be a ropes course facilitator and learning how to lead and process group treatments. I was up at CLAS Ropes all day Friday and Saturday, conquering fears, strategizing in group games, building my repertoire of initiative activities, tying knots, belaying classmates up rock walls, eating pizza, enjoying the weather, and loving my life. At a PALS retreat to a ropes course in high school, I remember thinking: "How does one go about doing this for a living? This has got to be the coolest job." Little did I know, a few years down the road, I'd stumble upon a major so perfectly matched for me I'd sometimes have to pinch myself.

Honestly? I have the best teachers- they are men of God who give selflessly to serve others and bring joy to the people they meet. They believe in the power of wholesome recreation and have taught me through their words and actions what it means to live fully and help others find meaning and satisfaction in their existence. The purpose of therapeutic recreation is to improve quality of life. Even if I never get to work as a certified TR specialist, I will be better for the time I've spent at BYU, learning at the feet of inspiring men.

During the closing session of Saturday training, the leader suggested a simple way to find happiness. He told us to note good things that have happened to us, for us, and because of us. Just wanted to jot a few of those things down.

To me: My work schedule got re-arranged and now I get to sleep in on Tuesdays and Thursdays! Yay!

For me: My cute friends from church came over to visit and brought me some yummy sugar cookies last night.

Because of me: I thought it might be helpful to some of my classmates to share our religion notes over a GoogleDoc. I typed up my notes and sent a link, inviting others to add and discuss as they pleased. A few days after I opened the Doc, I overheard a girl in the library chatting with her friend about how overwhelming things were for her and how grateful she was someone had opened a GoogleDoc in her religion class because it was a huge help. Later in the week, I recognized her in the back of the room. Made me feel good :)

Today was a stressful day, but then I looked down and my purple nails were a sweet reminder what a magnificent blessing it is just to be alive.

TR Phase-out.

I am super bummed today because I discovered the Therapeutic Recreation major at BYU is being phased out. By spring 2012, the program won't exist because of "administrative decisions and parameters related to them." I will still be able to graduate in TR, but I am so disappointed that future students won't have the option to pursue this degree. The professors I have are remarkable. They have inspired me to want to be a good therapist, teacher, and facilitator; but more importantly, I have left their classes a better person than when I first enrolled. I'm not sure why this decision was made. I'm sad.

I cried.

Last Tuesday, I went to play flag football with some people in my major. We had a ton of fun. Yesterday, they all got together for a barbecue to meet each other's significant others and to have a last final hurrah before graduating. JD and I had a stupid work training all day, and I wasn't able to go. As we were getting ready to leave from flag football, everyone was saying "See you Saturday!" It suddenly hit me I wouldn't be there on Saturday and that it would probably be the last time I saw these girls. . .ever. I cried. I couldn't keep back the tears.

We hugged and shared our love for each other and for the friendships we've formed over the past few years. I am so grateful for the chance I've had to meet them and to work with them and to play with them. It is overwhelming to me that they are all leaving, but I am so excited for their internships and for the places they are going. Life is supposed to move forward and change, but sometimes it's a little hard for me to handle. I cried, definitely.

Scholarship!

I have great news! I applied for a scholarship from the recreation department and was really honored when they informed me I'm going to be a recipient for the 2010-2011 school year! It's really exciting because they only select a few students and I really didn't think I was more qualified than all of the others that applied. I am so grateful for the award and know that Heavenly Father had a hand in the selection process :) Last week there was a scholarship banquet at the Hinckley Alumni Center, a totally gorgeous building on campus. I had never been inside, but it was really so beautiful.

They had a yummy dinner and then some of our professors presented the different scholarships. Also, the department honored an outstanding recreational professional in Utah. He gave a really motivating speech that helped me remember the power of recreation to bring families and communities together.

This is some of the students who've been in my "TR cohort" that also received awards. I've seen these people like everyday for the past year and a half-in classes, working on projects, and recreating together :) I am grateful for these teachers, who have inspired me to want to work with people, implement programs with power to change, and monitor progress in the lives of real individuals. As Dr. Zabriskie always says, "We're people people." I really do feel like I am going to find a lot of happiness in the work I can do with the degree I am getting. I still don't know what population I want to work with, but I am looking forward to internship and volunteer opportunities in lots of different settings. Hopefully, I'll find something that clicks! Nonetheless, I feel very blessed to get to study therapeutic recreation at BYU, one of the few colleges in the country that has an accredited program. What an opportunity!

People just like us.

I had such an interesting week last week. I had two campers and both had autism in varying degrees. One of my campers was 10 years old and almost completely non-verbal. On the first day of camp, he exploded while we were doing arts and crafts. He started yelling and screaming and I had to hold him down on a bean bag. He pinched and elbowed me and I had to keep him from hurting other campers. He hit another camper 3 or 4 times on the back and was sent home. I have bruise marks on my arms from where he pinched me. Despite the fact that he tried to attack me, I was so sad to see him go. He was such an angel when he wasn't going crazy. At first I didn't understand why he would do that... but then I realized how frustrating it must be to not be able to communicate what you're feeling. I think he was trying to tell me something and I was not getting it. I couldn't help but love him. Camp decided to let him have a second chance and he came back on Tuesday. He was much more cooperative the rest of the week. Whenever he seemed frustrated or on the verge of a breakdown, I asked him for "hugs." He would throw his arms around me and look up and smile. It totally melted my heart. One thing that I've thought a lot about since I have been here is how the parents of these people must feel. The week I spend with them is trying and difficult, but they leave after five days. Their parents have to care for them everyday of their lives after that. How tiring! I think the love they have is something I will never fully understand unless I have a child with a disability. I have realized how important it is that we really do use 'people first' terminology. I really think that is one lesson I have learned through actually spending time with these people. Despite their physical and mental limitations, they are people...people with families who love them unconditionally and miss them when they are away... people who have feelings...people just like us.

In Ten Days

It is incredible what 10 days' time can teach you when you spend it entirely with someone who has a disability. I have learned more in the past two weeks than I ever thought I would.

When I signed up to work this summer at Camp Kostopulus, I really had no idea what I was getting in to.

I didn't know that I would literally be so drained both physically and emotionally that I wanted to give up. I didn't know I would be in charge of setting up equipment at night for someone whose life depended on it. I didn't know I would be solely responsible for the personal care and attention of another human being. I didn't know my back would ache from the physical labor of transfering a 24-year old man from his chair to his bed to the toilet and back again every day for 5 days. I didn't know my patience would be tried by an 18-year old boy whose appetite is uncontrollable and whose mind's only focus is the attainment of food. I didn't know I would stay up to the wee hours of the night stroking a 35-year old woman's hair until she fell back to sleep and calming an aging woman whose nightmares overwhelmed her. I didn't know I would laugh so hard on a bathroom floor with a girl whose body is crippled by cerebral palsy and who found it humorous that I really had no idea what I was doing as I tried to shift and move her body in order to change her diaper. I didn't know I would be so frightened by a camper who sweat through his clothes in the nightand looked like he was speaking parseltongue. I didn't know the triumph I would see in a young girl's eyes as she mastered a challenging element on the high ropes course or worked up the courage to ride on the back of a horse. I had no idea that my heart would become so intertwined in the lives of so many people who I will probably never see again. I had no idea I would be so completely and utterly happy.

In ten days, I have learned... to love my body and celebrate the ability I have to move and walk and dance, to never take for granted the blessing it is to shower yourself and brush your own teeth and wipe your own bum, to recognize the miracle it is to leap and run and get up when you want to, to remember the importance of loving others for who they are on the inside, to share, to play, to pay attention to little every day miracles. When you break down all the complications of a developed mind and learn to think on the most basic level, there are a million reasons in life to smile.