A Miracle for Me

Several years have passed since "Baby Booty Bump" and I've often reflected on why I got to have the particular life experience of viral Internet popularity. It's weird to have a short video like that one forever attached to my identity (ie. A friend introducing me to another friend for the first time: Remember that hilarious video I sent you a few years ago of my friend knocking her daughter over with her butt? This is her. Me: hm, hi?). Whether I like it or not, the clip will always be connected to me via a simple Google search of my name and I've just accepted it as one of those random facts about myself to inevitably include in introduction games. 

But here's what I didn't expect from my experience with the video: a fortifying, faith-building miracle. Let me explain. 

I believe in and practice the law of tithing. I have freely and willingly given 10% of my earnings back to God through our Church since I was a young girl; paying tithing is a practice I learned from my parents and one I recognize and revere as an eternal principle. It is not always easy to "give up" that much. It feels limiting and occasionally I struggle pushing the "submit" button on the donation page. But even when funds were tight and the extra money could've really benefited our family, JD and I have always paid a full and honest tithe. This habit will continue, as it is a non-negotiable pattern of living in our marriage.

"Of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee." Genesis 28:22 KJV

In the spring of 2017, I had become lax about our method of managing tithing. Our normal routine is to pay tithing as soon as our paychecks are deposited, before any other expenses or bills accrue.  I normally log-in to our bank account on Fridays, calculate 10%, and immediately fill out an online donation form. For some reason, I just fell out of the habit. A few months went by. In reviewing our finances, I determined we needed to pay several hundred dollars in tithing. Eek. I discussed the situation with JD, explaining how strongly I felt about paying the sum in full (a decision that would essentially drain our account). Though hesitant, he agreed. We paid it and I went to bed that night in a panicky state, unsure if our decision was totally prudent. 

I woke in the morning, mindlessly checking my email. To my complete surprise and delight, a message was waiting in my inbox from Storyful (the company I chose to manage everything related to "Baby Booty Bump"), notifying me of an upcoming deposit to my PayPal account. It'd been a few years since the video was posted and many months since I'd received any money for it. I was not awaiting payments of any kind. . . but the expected deposit amount matched our tithing payment, almost to the dollar. 

I could hardly believe it! It was a miracle. Truly, a carefully-constructed miracle from heaven just for me. A blaring reminder of the dependability of our God, of His faithfulness in keeping His promises. I cannot chalk this experience up to coincidence. No way. It was a huge building block for my faith- an undeniable witness that my heavenly parents are aware of me, know my struggles, and are reaching out to me, always. I know God doesn't need my money as much as He wants my obedience, my integrity, and my faith.

Also, I want to note- this was clearly a direct monetary blessing, but I know & can witness that not all tithing blessings deal with finances directly. Carl Pratt once explained it like this:

Money and bank accounts are not His richest blessings. He blesses us with wisdom to manage our limited material resources, wisdom that enables us to live better with 90 percent of our income than with 100 percent. Thus, faithful tithe payers understand provident living and tend to be more self-reliant. 

I have come to understand that the Lord’s richest blessings are spiritual, and they often have to do with family, friends, and the gospel. He often seems to give the blessing of a special sensitivity to the influence and guidance of the Holy Spirit, especially in marriage and family matters like raising children. Such spiritual sensitivity can help us enjoy the blessings of harmony and peace in the home. . . 

The payment of tithing helps us develop a submissive and humble heart. . . Tithe-paying fosters in us a generous and forgiving heart and a charitable heart full of the pure love of Christ. We become eager to serve and bless others with an obedient heart, submissive to the Lord’s will. Regular tithe payers find their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ strengthened, and they develop a firm, abiding testimony of His gospel and of His Church. None of these blessings are monetary or material in any way, but surely they are the Lord’s richest blessings.

I love his words! I believe them. 

I am so grateful for "Baby Booty Bump" and the part it played in my personal tithing miracle.

Love and Light

Years ago, when I was choosing a name for my business, I was drawn to the alliteration of "The Sunshine Space" and the catchy association my name had to that title. It felt right. I was aiming to create joyful, playful home decor pieces and the word "sunshine" seemed to fit my vibe. I kept the name when I started screen-printing because my goal with clothing design was the same as my aim with decor design: make stuff that's uplifting & "feel-goody." I re-branded this blog with the intention of creating a s u n s h i n e space on the internet-  a bright site with beautiful pictures, happy moments, inspiring DIY and craft projects, and messages orienting readers to the Ultimate Source of light, our Savior. 

. . . But it fizzled. For the past few years, I've carried a certain level of guilt regarding my "business" and my "blog." My brain rattled with all kinds of thoughts in connection to The Sunshine Space. 

What's the point? I haven't been actively engaged in building my brand, sharing my message, or creating anything for months and months on end. It's too hard. Too time-consuming. Too stressful. Too much. I don't feel like the reward in the creation process outweighs the stress of making perfect items to sell. There is no joy in this. I don't know what to say on the blog. I haven't been taking enough pictures. I don't know how to brand my items. How should my shop be connected to my blog? Does it make sense to do it all under the umbrella of "The Sunshine Space"? I don't like the style of the shirts I ordered. Dang it. I've made so many mistakes. I should cut my losses, sell my equipment, stop. But what about the parts I do love? Designing, drawing, composing. Sharing messages of hope. Creating good and beautiful things- physical items, words and sentences, feelings. Why did I have such a pull towards "The Sunshine Space" in the first place? How can I add light to the world? What is my purpose? What fuels me? What's the point?

And on and on. Then, one day earlier this year, I was sitting in a downstairs room of my basement- the room I go to ponder, to read, to make things, to display my scrapbooks, to journal- and a thought came. "This is The Sunshine Space," uttered the Spirit. This? This room? The window of the room faces the south side of my home and is an awesome source of light. There are no window treatments on that particular window, so the sunlight just spills in. It is a sunshine space. But The Sunshine Space? What does that mean? And all of a sudden, peace and understanding split open across my heart.

It was time to register Tenley for kindergarten and I just hadn't been able to bring myself to do it. I'd been considering the possibility of homeschooling. Starting to pray about whether that could be a viable option for my children, for me. Intimidated by the thought of it, but intrigued. Almost too timid to openly discuss it, to say the words aloud. Unaware of all the options, but open-minded. Interested. Searching. "This is The Sunshine Space," again.

Oh! A place of love and light. This is The Sunshine Space, the school. The haven for learning, the safe space I want to cultivate for my children.  A place to develop creativity, gratitude, critical thinking, curiosity, a love of learning, optimism, perseverance, kindness. A place to seek further light and knowledge. A place for sharing, loving, and learning. Together. The Sunshine Space. 

And that is how I came to feel such a renewed zeal for building The Sunshine Space. All these years of working and creating and seeking meaning and planning. . . they were preparing me for the path I can see unfolding before me now: homeschooling. I want to create channels of love and light- of hope, joy, testimony. I want to share goodness, to make beautiful things, to find understanding. But the place I start is home. The most essential sphere of influence I have is with my children. I can start here. I can do this.

I am excited (and terrified!) to share my homeschool journey here and I hope to support and encourage other Mommas on the way.

Love and light,
Summer

Five reasons I'm a better person because I've worked in Residential Treatment

I've had some thoughts floating around in my head for the past few weeks and I just want to get them written down before my pregnant brain allows them to vanish forever. I am SO, SO grateful for my experiences working at a Residential Treatment Center (RTC).  Just as a little background for those of you who don't totally know what an RTC is: RTCs are basically live-in health care facilities where teenagers come to live, go to school, and receive intensive therapeutic services. The place I work is a lock-down setting (I've also worked in a less intense therapeutic boarding school). The center I'm at now provides treatment for adolescents with lots of different issues. . . oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, depression and suicidal ideation, reactive attachment disorder, bipolar disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, educational issues and histories of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. There's always a lot going on with these kids! I'm a recreational therapist and currently work primarily with 15 to 17-year old boys with behavioral misconduct issues. I think I'm a better person because of the time I've spent with them. Here's why.

She's Watching.

A few weeks ago, we brought our camera outside because JD wanted to snap a few pictures of me with my pregnant belly. As he was doing this, Tenley became fascinated with the camera and wanted to try taking a few photos of her own. JD taught her how to hold the big device in her little hands and showed her what button to push. She was thoroughly entertained by the activity, directing us where to sit and when to say "Cheese!" These pictures are the result. They are blurry, off-centered, and unedited. But they're so endearing to me because they're what Tenley sees when she's watching us. I love that. 

My sister is a Sister.

Today I dropped my sister off at the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo, UT. She will be serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Las Vegas, NV area for the next 18 months (To learn more about what missionaries do, go here). During her service as a female missionary, she will be referred to as "Sister Robinson," rather than "Lindsey."  

Baby chicks.

My in-laws are the biggest animal lovers I know. They've had nearly every animal you can think of as a house pet (. . .okay, maybe not every animal). But currently, they have a few chickens residing in their backyard and we sure do love those fresh eggs!! A few days before Easter, the Knowldens got a few new baby chicks. Oh my adorable! Tenley had no idea what to think of those little chicks. She wanted to touch and hold them, but was terrified when they moved or pecked at her fingers. Haha, serious cuteness overload.

5 "Baby booty bump" Lessons

The last few weeks have been a little surreal. On Sunday April 27, I entered an Instagram dance-off for moms hosted by The Alison Show in hopes of winning a $250 gift card to The Land of Nod. I had two entries: (1) the original clip of me dancing and (2) an "outtake" clip of me dancing and knocking my daughter to the ground with my bum. The latter clip was hilariously accidental and just too funny not to share. On Monday April 28, I sheepishly posted it to Facebook knowing it would surely brighten a few peoples' days. The response was overwhelmingly positive and many people shared, liked, and laughed at the video. I posted it on YouTube that night and sent it to The Ellen Degeneres Show via her website. On Tuesday April 29, I woke up with 700 views on YouTube and thought: "That's crazy! So cool." By the time I went to bed, I had 14,890 hits and I thought: "How did that happen?!" In the first 24 hours, I was contacted by several agencies asking for the rights to the video, but I ended up partnering with Storyful. And, boy, am I glad I did! Over the next few days, SO MANY people e-mailed, called, and messaged me about use of the video and I just directed everyone to Storyful. It has been such a blessing to delegate all that stress and headache to them. By Thursday May 1, my "baby booty bump" video hit one million views and had been shared by countless news and radio stations across the country. It was all over the Internet and television: CNN, The Today Show, E! News, ESPN2, the iFunny app, AOL, Time. You name it: I was probably there. It was totally overwhelming and time-consuming to keep up with all the hype! On Wednesday May 7, I was in the audience of The Ellen Degeneres Show and had to pinch myself as I heard Ellen discuss the powerful "thrust to my daughter's face." On May 8, my little snippet aired on Ellen. As of today, May 13, the video has 2,350,583 views on YouTube. I still can't believe it.

I've learned a lot from having my video "go viral." Some things are personal and/or confidential, but here's what I want the world to know.

The love of God

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I live my life and the way my choices affect me and those around me. I attended an incredible women's conference over the weekend- the theme was "You are not the only traveler." The speakers focused a lot on finding and knowing our personal ministries. They talked about how God uses us to influence members of our families and those in our social circles for good, how we need to be ready and prepared to serve as instruments in His hands, how He needs us to radiate His love to the lost ones in our midsts. I was moved by the Spirit and found peace about and guidance for many of the troubles and concerns that have been weighing on my heart lately.  A key point that stuck out in my mind, that I scribbled in my planner, that I've been mulling over for the past few days was this. . . No one can progress spiritually until they know this fundamental truth: God exists and knows them personally. 

Peace for the mothers.

On Saturday night, my family attended the holiday party hosted by my work at Utah's Hogle Zoo. We saw the Zoo Lights display and had the chance to visit with Santa and Mrs. Clause! Tenley wasn't too nervous sitting on his lap and only got the slightest hint of a worried look when we stepped back to get the picture. While we were waiting in line, we had the opportunity to write a note to Santa asking him for something special on our Christmas wish list. . . 

Nourishing.

I've been thinking lately about values and how I can better orient the youth I work with to what their values are. I've read through some online lesson outlines and group protocols centered on teaching children and adults about values. This compilation includes several interventions for clarifying personal beliefs and values- I went through them and completed some of the exercises in regards to my own life. One of the activities directs participants to list three of the "most nourishing people in their lives." Nourishing. . . that word has stuck out to me so much in my mind over the past week. I looked up the meaning. Who sustains me? Who strengthens me, builds me up, and promotes me? Who gives me life, health, and growth?

Easily, the first person I thought of was my husband. He compliments me often, pushes me to develop my talents, and is my biggest supporter. He wants to see me succeed (especially in my business) and does a lot of behind the scenes work to help me (painting base coats of canvases, preparing packages, dropping orders off at the post office, caring for Tenley while I work, etc., etc.) I feel so, so blessed to have him  as my life partner. In so many ways, he nourishes me.

I Want to Remember.

One night last week JD and I traveled up the canyon near our home to cook hamburgers for dinner. The babe fell asleep on the way and slept the whole time we were gone. . . so it was practically  like we were on a date alone together! The mountain air was refreshing, the food was tasty, and the company was pleasant. While JD was preparing our burgers, I wandered over to a nearby stream. In my few moments of reflection, I kept thinking, "I want to remember."   

I want to remember nights like this one. I want to remember the evenings we spent together, intentionally trying to connect and build our relationship. I want to remember the exhilarating rush of still being so in love with my husband. 

Spring.

Around these parts, the sun is starting to shine, literally and figuratively. Spring is just around the corner and the light and hope of a new season is definitely energizing me.

Eeee! Four months.

Eeee! (This is my excited squeal). My girl is four months old. Yowza! Where does four months go? I feel like I'm just getting back into the swing of things after Christmas. . . and yet Valentine's Day has already come and gone! A lot has been happening in our house. Between this Momma starting work again, our family taking a trip to Texas, and a mini flood in our basement home, we've had our hands full over the last little bit. JD is gearing up for PA school applications and I'm trying to find the new balance between home, work, and church responsibilities with a little one. Even though there's always something else going on, JD and I are making conscious efforts to savor the sweet days with our Tenley girl. We often set our other duties aside to just lay on the floor and stare at her. We read her books, and rattle her toys, and lotion her body and think to ourselves. . . "How on earth did we get so lucky?!" 

This week I had a super spiritual moment as I listened closely to the words of a beloved song, "I am a child of God." As Tenley's parent, I want the very best for her. I want to provide for her and care for her and I want her always always to know how deeply she is loved. If I, as an imperfect, mortal being, can love someone so deeply and fiercely, then how much more must a perfect, powerful, eternal God love his children? This perspective into my Father's love for me was moving and touching. . . and definitely turned my heart to thankful prayer. What a wonderful blessing to be a child of God! What a gift to know of his love for me and for my earthly child! What a powerful message for all men! We are loved in the most perfect way by the most perfect being. I am so grateful for this faith-building experience.

And now! On to the stats:

At four months, Tenley is 23.5" long (25th percentile) and weighs 11 lbs 7 oz (10th percentile). Her head circumference is in the 30th percentile. Tenley can roll over from back to tummy and vice versa. She often brings her hands up to her mouth to suck on them. She makes good eye contact and sometimes bursts into gummy grins. On occasion, she'll laugh out loud and she frequently squeals and squeaks. She has super strong legs and a reputation in our home of bouncing up and down when the music turns on. She grabs her toes, and my fingers, and my hair, and basically anything she can get a good grip on. She's developing such a cute little personality and we just love her.

One month update here. Two month update here. Three month update not available d/t mommy malfunction ;)

Live nativity

Our family was lucky enough to participate in a live nativity this week. A family in our neighborhood puts on the nativity every year in memory of the woman's mother, who died of cancer. All profits go to cancer research and other charities. They re-create the ancient city with Roman soldiers, donkeys, llamas, bread makers, basket weavers, and lots of games and noise and commotion. Then, guests travel down a path to a separate stable where Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus are sitting quietly. JD and I played Mary and Joseph and our sweet girl got to be the part of our Savior. We sat in the stable for an hour and a half and pretended like we were the parents of Jesus Christ. Humbling, to say the least. Tenley wasn't perfect the whole time. There were crowds who saw her crying and being soothed by a bright green pacifier. . . but there were other times when she stared up at the people in wide-eyed wonder and the Spirit was so strong. I loved the reactions of young children- "Look, Baby Jesus!" "It's a real baby." "Jesus was such a cute baby." "I love Jesus." 

Knowing we were going to be in the nativity, I've been thinking all week about Mary and Jesus and the real reasons I celebrate Christmas. It's been good to have those thoughts in the back of my mind as we've pulled out all the red and green decor, set up our tree, and hung up our lights. This season, as always, I hope my choices reflect my belief in and love for the Savior. 

Tenley Mabel

Tenley Mabel Knowlden

October 18, 2012 6:42pm

6 lbs, 19 inches long

Our sweet girl was born last Thursday. She's got a head full of her momma's blonde locks and a heart full of her daddy's gentle patience. She's been so good as we've tried to figure out this whole breastfeeding thing together. She hardly cries and would probably sleep for long stretches at night if I let her (we've had to eat every two hours together since she came home from the hospital. . . fun!) She's calm and content and still feels so close to heaven. There's been so many moments since we met where I've had to catch my breath because I'm so overwhelmed by the joy of knowing she's mine. She is perhaps the very best gift Heavenly Father has given me and I'm just so humbled and grateful He trusts me to be her momma.

Tenley Mae, we love you so!

Baby Shower

The Skousens and a few of my friends planned a baby shower for me a few weeks ago. Cory made all of the adorable decorations; Abby and Julie sent out the invitations, prepared the food, and planned the games; Melissa hosted the get-together in her home; Jada, Stefanie and Abby brought extra treats (Am I forgetting anyone? Sorry if I left someone out!) A lot of neighbors and friends came to support and love me. I felt overwhelmed by their willingness to share and give. There were a lot of women there from my ward (or local church congregation) who barely know me, but know Melissa and Julie, and were willing to reach out to me in fellowship and love.  Their presence at my shower was a sweet example to me of how we can serve each other, even in small and simple ways. 

Abby and Julie Skousen

Mari and Jada, my closest friends from Spanish Fork

Cory, my roommate sophomore year at BYU

The whole gang.

I can't say thank you enough to all the people who have sent gifts and clothes and toys our way in preparation for the baby. We are grateful and excited! 

Also, Abby took a few pictures on her camera I still need to get from this shower. I was so glad to see and visit with my friend Holli from Texas and all my old roommates who are still in Utah. Love my girls!

RT Retreat.

This post is a little late, but I recently got these pictures back from a friend at work and had to share. When I was 30 weeks pregnant, the recreation therapy (RT) department at work had a little retreat. We floated the Provo River, zip-lined through Provo Canyon, and ate dinner together at one of my favorite places, Brick Oven. I loved every minute of spending time with these folks in such a gorgeous setting (And don't you worry. . . I wore a full-body harness while zip-linging to alleviate the pressure on my belly. There was minimal to no risk for me or baby!) 

Half the department is pregnant!

All of us together.

Ready for adventure!

On the zip-line. What a rush!

Love that glorious sunshine.

In case you didn't know, I work full-time as a recreational therapist at an adolescent residential treatment center. I love what I do and, as you can imagine, I'm a pretty big believer in the healing power of wholesome recreation and leisure.  I feel so lucky and grateful that my smooth, healthy pregnancy has allowed me to continue doing all the active things I'm used to and love doing. I had no hesitations being involved in this retreat or any of the other adventure outings we provided for the residents at work this summer. At 23 weeks pregnant, I spent the night in Moab with a group of boys and took them hiking and river rafting (those rapids were a joke!) At 31 weeks, we went canoeing. And most recently, at 35 weeks, I camped overnight and hiked with the boys to a landing up Big Cottonwood Canyon to supervise outdoor rock climbing. Gosh, I just love seeing teenagers experience new and rewarding things and can't imagine a job quite as rewarding as the one I've got :)

Idaho Trip

Last week, JD and I took a little road trip to Idaho for my friend Angela's wedding in Teton. We also made a slight detour to visit our friends in Boise. It was a lot of driving in a few days, but we sure loved seeing our good friends and spending time together in a new state. 

Crossing the border.

 Yummy restaurant in downtown Boise.

 We miss this cute family!

Zoo Boise on Friday. 

 Shoshone Falls in Twin Falls, ID

 Double rainbow at the falls (!!)

 Peaceful time together in the Idaho Falls LDS temple.

San Antonio friends. Look at that pretty bride!

 Gorgeous Idaho sunset. Love this man.

Angela's wedding ceremony and reception was held at the cutest barn in a small Idaho town. She did such a good job decorating with vintage books, dried flowers, romantic pictures, and rustic accents. The whole place had a dreamy feel to it. So happy she found someone to make her so happy!

Being a Mama

I've been really lucky with this baby so far. I haven't had any of the morning sickness, nausea, food cravings, or heartburn normally associated with pregnancy. Mostly, I've just been tired, but my energy has started to return in the last few weeks.  

Because I can't feel any movements yet, I sometimes forget she's there. It's so weird to think about a little human being growing and learning inside of me! It's a miracle my body knows how to support her without me having to consciously do anything. In so many ways, the development of my little daughter is a testament to the reality of God. I mean. . . how else could such magic exist? 

I often find myself daydreaming about what life will be like when she's here. I can't wait to see her, to hold her, to cuddle her. I want her to know so many things and constantly feel this overwhelming weight of everything I could teach her. When this pressure sits heavily on my heart, I try to turn my thoughts to Heavenly Father and feel the comfort of the Spirit. I know ultimately the most important thing I can teach her is this: she is a child of God and even when she doesn't know all the answers in life, He does. 

I figure one of the best ways to teach a principle is to live it. So lately, as I've been feeling the incredible stress of being a mama, I've just given my fear to God and let Him replace it with peace. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. . . 

But I'm also confident I can make it as a mother when I have the Lord on my side. 

Lindsey Lou visits Utah

My little sister, Lindsey, has been in town for the last week. She took her "college visit" days off of school and came to tour BYU, stay with her friend in the dorms, and see a little more of Utah. We loved getting to visit and spend time with her. Before we took her to the Salt Lake airport yesterday, we walked around Temple Square, watched a few videos, took a couple pictures, and ate lunch together at The Lion House Pantry. Yum. So good to have you, Lindsey Lou!