Love and Light

Years ago, when I was choosing a name for my business, I was drawn to the alliteration of "The Sunshine Space" and the catchy association my name had to that title. It felt right. I was aiming to create joyful, playful home decor pieces and the word "sunshine" seemed to fit my vibe. I kept the name when I started screen-printing because my goal with clothing design was the same as my aim with decor design: make stuff that's uplifting & "feel-goody." I re-branded this blog with the intention of creating a s u n s h i n e space on the internet-  a bright site with beautiful pictures, happy moments, inspiring DIY and craft projects, and messages orienting readers to the Ultimate Source of light, our Savior. 

. . . But it fizzled. For the past few years, I've carried a certain level of guilt regarding my "business" and my "blog." My brain rattled with all kinds of thoughts in connection to The Sunshine Space. 

What's the point? I haven't been actively engaged in building my brand, sharing my message, or creating anything for months and months on end. It's too hard. Too time-consuming. Too stressful. Too much. I don't feel like the reward in the creation process outweighs the stress of making perfect items to sell. There is no joy in this. I don't know what to say on the blog. I haven't been taking enough pictures. I don't know how to brand my items. How should my shop be connected to my blog? Does it make sense to do it all under the umbrella of "The Sunshine Space"? I don't like the style of the shirts I ordered. Dang it. I've made so many mistakes. I should cut my losses, sell my equipment, stop. But what about the parts I do love? Designing, drawing, composing. Sharing messages of hope. Creating good and beautiful things- physical items, words and sentences, feelings. Why did I have such a pull towards "The Sunshine Space" in the first place? How can I add light to the world? What is my purpose? What fuels me? What's the point?

And on and on. Then, one day earlier this year, I was sitting in a downstairs room of my basement- the room I go to ponder, to read, to make things, to display my scrapbooks, to journal- and a thought came. "This is The Sunshine Space," uttered the Spirit. This? This room? The window of the room faces the south side of my home and is an awesome source of light. There are no window treatments on that particular window, so the sunlight just spills in. It is a sunshine space. But The Sunshine Space? What does that mean? And all of a sudden, peace and understanding split open across my heart.

It was time to register Tenley for kindergarten and I just hadn't been able to bring myself to do it. I'd been considering the possibility of homeschooling. Starting to pray about whether that could be a viable option for my children, for me. Intimidated by the thought of it, but intrigued. Almost too timid to openly discuss it, to say the words aloud. Unaware of all the options, but open-minded. Interested. Searching. "This is The Sunshine Space," again.

Oh! A place of love and light. This is The Sunshine Space, the school. The haven for learning, the safe space I want to cultivate for my children.  A place to develop creativity, gratitude, critical thinking, curiosity, a love of learning, optimism, perseverance, kindness. A place to seek further light and knowledge. A place for sharing, loving, and learning. Together. The Sunshine Space. 

And that is how I came to feel such a renewed zeal for building The Sunshine Space. All these years of working and creating and seeking meaning and planning. . . they were preparing me for the path I can see unfolding before me now: homeschooling. I want to create channels of love and light- of hope, joy, testimony. I want to share goodness, to make beautiful things, to find understanding. But the place I start is home. The most essential sphere of influence I have is with my children. I can start here. I can do this.

I am excited (and terrified!) to share my homeschool journey here and I hope to support and encourage other Mommas on the way.

Love and light,
Summer

Five reasons I'm a better person because I've worked in Residential Treatment

I've had some thoughts floating around in my head for the past few weeks and I just want to get them written down before my pregnant brain allows them to vanish forever. I am SO, SO grateful for my experiences working at a Residential Treatment Center (RTC).  Just as a little background for those of you who don't totally know what an RTC is: RTCs are basically live-in health care facilities where teenagers come to live, go to school, and receive intensive therapeutic services. The place I work is a lock-down setting (I've also worked in a less intense therapeutic boarding school). The center I'm at now provides treatment for adolescents with lots of different issues. . . oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, depression and suicidal ideation, reactive attachment disorder, bipolar disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, educational issues and histories of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. There's always a lot going on with these kids! I'm a recreational therapist and currently work primarily with 15 to 17-year old boys with behavioral misconduct issues. I think I'm a better person because of the time I've spent with them. Here's why.

It's sweet again.

It's been two months since I lasted posted on this blog. The days pass so quickly! I can't believe how the seasons fade into each other and then, without me even noticing, the years change. Time slips through my grasp and I have a hard time orienting myself. I feel like I'm a brand-new mom. . . and I'd say, in some respects, I still am. However, I've had a little human in my care for two years now. What a remarkable, hard, patience-testing, joyful, tiring, happy struggle-blessing! (Haha- clearly parenthood is hard to describe).

Whirlwind trip

Remember that one time we took a whirlwind trip to California to be on Ellen?! JD got there several hours before I did and rented a 2014 Mustang convertible to drive around town. Haha. . . we sure felt like celebrities zipping around in that baby! 

Man, those two weeks of intense "baby booty bump" fame were crazy, fun, and definitely unforgettable. I can't believe I ended up going to Universal City, California because of that video. What a memory!

5 "Baby booty bump" Lessons

The last few weeks have been a little surreal. On Sunday April 27, I entered an Instagram dance-off for moms hosted by The Alison Show in hopes of winning a $250 gift card to The Land of Nod. I had two entries: (1) the original clip of me dancing and (2) an "outtake" clip of me dancing and knocking my daughter to the ground with my bum. The latter clip was hilariously accidental and just too funny not to share. On Monday April 28, I sheepishly posted it to Facebook knowing it would surely brighten a few peoples' days. The response was overwhelmingly positive and many people shared, liked, and laughed at the video. I posted it on YouTube that night and sent it to The Ellen Degeneres Show via her website. On Tuesday April 29, I woke up with 700 views on YouTube and thought: "That's crazy! So cool." By the time I went to bed, I had 14,890 hits and I thought: "How did that happen?!" In the first 24 hours, I was contacted by several agencies asking for the rights to the video, but I ended up partnering with Storyful. And, boy, am I glad I did! Over the next few days, SO MANY people e-mailed, called, and messaged me about use of the video and I just directed everyone to Storyful. It has been such a blessing to delegate all that stress and headache to them. By Thursday May 1, my "baby booty bump" video hit one million views and had been shared by countless news and radio stations across the country. It was all over the Internet and television: CNN, The Today Show, E! News, ESPN2, the iFunny app, AOL, Time. You name it: I was probably there. It was totally overwhelming and time-consuming to keep up with all the hype! On Wednesday May 7, I was in the audience of The Ellen Degeneres Show and had to pinch myself as I heard Ellen discuss the powerful "thrust to my daughter's face." On May 8, my little snippet aired on Ellen. As of today, May 13, the video has 2,350,583 views on YouTube. I still can't believe it.

I've learned a lot from having my video "go viral." Some things are personal and/or confidential, but here's what I want the world to know.

Big families

In the first few months after Tenley was born, I remember thinking to myself on multiple occasions, "I won't be able to do this when I have a toddler at my feet". . .and then, one day, panicking, I thought, "or when I have multiple children at my feet!" Gosh. Taking care of lots of little ones will definitely be a challenge!! Overwhelmed, I asked my mom: "How do you take care of a baby when you have to take care of your other kid(s)? Like, I feel like this is so hard and there's only one of her. I don't know if I'll ever be able to manage more children." And, wisely, she said,"You don't know what you're doing with one and you're figuring it out. You won't know what you're doing with two, but you'll figure it out." And I guess that's how mothering goes. . . you just kind of figure it out. 

I'm grateful for the journey. I'm grateful for the ups and downs of figuring stuff out. I'm grateful for the exhausting, not-so-glamorous, patience-trying, faith-testing, down and dirty moments of motherhood (and life, for that matter). I'm grateful for the things I learn from being a mom, a daughter, a sister. When all of my siblings were home together with my parents for Christmas, I remembered so clearly why I want a big family, why I'll stick it out through those trying moments of "figuring it out." More children means more laughter. More perspectives. More insight. More helping hands. More smiles. More support. More connections. More memories. 

It was so good to be all together again after Jake's two-year mission trip. Oh, I just love them so!

^^Supporting Morgie at a basketball game.^^

^^Christmas Eve at the Alamo.^^

^^Christmas Sabbath in our red Sunday best.^^

^^Being silly in the jerseys Jake brought home from Argentina.^^

The hot-shot I was not.

When I was an eighth-grader, I received the devastating news that my family would be moving from the city I grew up in. Although heart-broken, I processed my feelings and decided I still wanted to try out for the freshman cheer squad at my new high school (as I'd been planning to at the high school I thought I'd attend). My mom and I traveled to the suburbs of Austin, TX for me to attend the clinic and try-outs. It was nerve-racking and exhilarating and scary to go through that process with a bunch of girls I had never met. I got up the gumption to introduce myself to a few people and practically invited myself to practice with them at one of their houses. I was confident going into try-outs and performed really well. I was so thrilled to see my name on the list when the new squad was posted. Everything was going to be okay! I had a few friends! My high school plans were not totally shot! 

Imagine my dismay when the plans changed and I found out we weren't going to end up near Austin after all. . . but in SAN ANTONIO. I was angry. I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I was overwhelmed. Would I have to gather all the courage I had left in me and do cheer try-outs again? It was too daunting of a thought. To my great disappointment and utter relief, cheerleading try-outs at Reagan (my high school) had already passed by the time my family figured out where we were actually going to live. I spent my freshman year starring in the pep squad (a group of girls devoted mostly to preparing for drill and dance teams). I was so bitter and sad, but luckily I made friends and it didn't turn out as horribly as I imagined it would.

At the end of my freshman year, I finally had the opportunity to try out for cheerleading again. That year had felt so long. I was pleased and excited when I made the JV squad. I loved cheerleading. I loved learning new chants and cheers. I loved the excitement of football games. I loved motivating a crowd to get on their feet. I loved increasing school spirit. I loved jumping. I loved expressing enthusiasm with facial expressions. I loved the quick, sharp movements of the dances. I loved stunting. But I did not love tumbling (this loathing could have very well been, in part, because I wasn't good at it). I spent so much time trying to get my body to flip over backwards. So. much. time. But that back tuck never really came to me. Not to mention, after years of tumbling, I was still scared out of my mind to do a single back handspring. It was infuriating. . . and because of my sub-par tumbling skills, I always felt a little bit "less than" the rest of the girls on the squad. It was damaging to my self-esteem and, if I'm honest, to my self-worth at the time too. 

When I didn't make the cut at the end of my sophomore year, I was devastated, but not surprised. I knew I couldn't be competitive in the cheerleading world. It was a silver lining in that situation to have my best friend, Ashley, go through the same heartbreak. Together with our friends from pep squad, we tried out for the drill team. We both made it, which was a big reprieve, seeing as I don't know if we could've handled double rejection. Bah! We had a really fun junior year and, with the hindsight only time can give me, I know it all worked out for a reason. 

Needless to say, I was not a hot-shot. Ha! (JD says I'm a long-winded story-teller. Like, I just gave all that background info, but I really just wanted to get across that I wasn't a hot-shot. Sorry! I like detailed stories). 

When JD and I visited Texas this last Christmas, we got to watch my 15 year-old sister, Morgan, play basketball. So fun! She is so good with the ball! She is very obviously gifted as an athlete and has such passion for the game. 

Traditions

Thanksgiving was hard this year. I'm usually not very bothered about being away from my family on Turkey Day because I know Christmas is right around the corner and I'll get to be with them then. Also, spending time with JD helps ease the pain of being separated from my loved ones in Texas. But, this year JD worked all day and Lindsey was in Utah with me so I think some of her longing for home rubbed off on me. On the night before Thanksgiving, Lindsey, JD, and I watched For Love of the Game (one of my Dad's favorites) on Netflix. The movie is a tear-jerker for sure, but Lindsey and I didn't really lose it until the credits started rolling and we remembered how much we missed Dad. We just lay on the floor and cried. (Confession: I had to Google the proper present/past tense of lay/lie. It's confusing and I'm pretty sure I misuse those words a lot. Embarrassing!)  Needless to say, I'm so grateful we have modern technology to keep connected!

Despite missing my family of origin, I find a lot of joy in the multi-step process of creating my own little family.  One way JD and I are doing that is by integrating his family traditions with mine. Right now, I'm reading a book about being intentional with how you spend your time with your family. I've been thinking a lot about how I can apply some of the author's ideas in my life. One thing I want my children to know is how much JD and I cherish our families. I want them to love both families equally and know how much we honor and respect them. Whenever we decorate our Christmas tree, I am intentionally going to take the opportunity to talk about our families.

10 Things Right Now | Summer

1. I've been reading the original Peter Pan for several weeks, but keep forgetting about it. Every time I spend a few minutes in the pages of Neverland, I'm filled with childlike wonder and awe. It really is magic. I'm going to finish the book this week. 

2. I haven't scrapbooked in months. This is very unlike me and I miss the creative outlet terribly. Each week, I have good intentions of getting some pages done. . . but then scrapping seems to repeatedly fall to the bottom of my "to-do list."

3. A lot of things seem to keep falling to the bottom of that list (not to mention just dropping off completely. . .) Mostly, I've just been playing and snuggling with my little one because I know someday I'll miss these days terribly. I sometimes use "cuddling time" as an excuse not to get anything else done ;) 

4. I wear the charm bracelet JD got me for my birthday/our anniversary almost daily. I love it.

5. Whenever I'm in Provo for BYU games or sister visits, I long to be back. I miss being a student. But when I think about the situation logically, I realize I'm older than most people on campus and it's okay for that chapter of my life to be over. It's simultaneously heartbreaking and thrilling. 

6. I really enjoy watching college football. 

7. JD recently convinced me to invest in the Adobe Creative Suite 6. I am both intimidated and excited by the thought of learning how to use all this new design software.

8. I recently re-discovered how much I enjoy Hershey's cookies-and-cream chocolate bars.

9. It's hard to believe my little brother returns home from his two-year church service mission this week. Argentina was lucky to have him, but we're so excited to get him back!

10. I started feeling really yucky on Friday night. When I woke up on Saturday, I could hardly move I felt so terrible. JD had been looking forward to camping all week and I didn't want to rain on his parade so we decided to go anyway. I was a little nervous, but it ended up being a very good decision. I just took it easy while JD did all the work of preparing food and managing camping gear. . . and somehow the fresh air and smell of the wild cured me. On Sunday, I was totally back to normal!

 (This picture is so funny to me! Gotta love that wild bed-head camping hair.)

Fall in Utah.

Last Friday evening, my family drove up a canyon near our home. . . and oh. my. gosh. the sights were breathtakingly beautiful. The fall in Utah is so pretty! I'll go ahead and add "autumn" to the list of things I'll miss when we leave. 

Being up there reminded me of all the beauty that surrounds me and how much I have to be grateful for. The last week or so has been a bit rough for me. I've been discouraged by the government shutdown in the US, overwhelmed by the unknowns of the future, crestfallen by my husband's rejection letters from P.A. schools, disheartened by all the negative, horrible things happening on the news, and feeling mostly just low-spirited in general. I sometimes get this way. I'm one who feels things deeply and, on occasion, the sadness of the world just sits heavy on my heart. That's why I need nights in the canyon :) To be reminded of the earth's beauty. To remember the joy that can be found in the little things. To feel God close to me. 

(It also helps to have a dashingly attractive man and sweet-spirited babe around to ease my troubled heart!)

Some thoughts on beauty.

My dearest Tenley,

I feel like the easiest platform to communicate my thoughts right now is in a letter intended for you. Of course, you can't read it right now. . . but I hope someday you will. 

When I was in high school, I knew a handful of girls who struggled with eating disorders and had other body image issues. My heart hurt for them as they battled with the defeating thoughts Satan planted in their minds. I, myself, sometimes went through phases when I had obsessive ideas of how to look skinny and pretty (in fact, I still go through those cycles sometimes!) 

Week in the Life: Tuesday

My days look a little different every day because some days I work (I'm a recreational therapist at a residential treatment center for teenagers). It sure keeps things interesting! Here's a recap of my Tuesday September 10, 2013.  PS. I talked about the "Week in the Life" project here.

Football season is here!

Football season is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the energy and excitement in the air as fans cheer on their favorite teams. It's the best! Imagine the inner battle I faced when I was forced to choose between my Alma Mater, BYU, and my home state team, the University of Texas, when they faced each other on the football field last weekend. It was a dilemma, I tell ya! Of course, I couldn't pass up the chance to flaunt my Texas pride and ended up in burnt orange ;) 

My cousins are full-blown Texas fans (like front-row-in-your-face-bleed-orange fans) and we had a great time tailgating with them before the game. 

Deep in the heart.

I've worn a Texas charm on a necklace since I moved to Utah 6+ (has it really been that long?!) years ago. That state. . . I tell ya. . . it's home. My family. My friends. My heritage. My heart. And every time I visit, I get an aching to move back. However, that's not the chapter of my life right now. Right now, I'm cultivating a good, sweet life right where I'm at. I've got a loving husband, a precious baby, giving neighbors, selfless co-workers, and caring landlords friends. But, my Utah life just got a whole lot sweeter because I picked up my own little piece of Texas at the airport today: my sister! Lindsey's starting school at BYU this semester and I'm thrilled out of my mind to have her close to me. Wahoo! 

Here's some more snapshots of our Texas trip last month:

Tenley with my Momma's sister, Wendy.

Let the sun shine.

I am thrilled about the new look and feel of this bloggity-blog. As most of you probably know, I opened an etsy shop a few years ago. It started as a way to share and sell things I love to design and create. When I was brainstorming about shop names way back when, my thoughts kept gravitating toward the idea of sunshine. Warmth. Light. Happy days. Something about my name being Summer. I liked it.

As most of us do at times, I struggle with having confidence in my work. I listen to the self-defeating thoughts that I'm not good enough or imaginative enough or original enough. BUT, even though I may not be the very best, I know I have creative talents and instincts. I know I find incredible joy in the process of creating. I know I want to share that. I want to nurture that. I want to build on that.

So, without further ado, welcome to The (new and improved) Sunshine Space. This is my corner of the internet where I hope you'll continue to come for inspiration in regards to happy everyday living, bright and inviting home decor, and other fun craft projects. I plan to continue sharing about myself and my family, at times including ideas for things to make and do that have brought warmth and light to my life.

I'm not sure what'll come of this, but I hope you'll stick around for the journey. I've spent so many hours thinking about and brainstorming for and re-working this project.

Take a look around. Click on my social media buttons. Admire the new design (by the fabulously talented Emily White). Ooo and ahh over my logo. But mostly, keep on letting the sun shine.

Thanks for your support!

Summer

I Want to Remember.

One night last week JD and I traveled up the canyon near our home to cook hamburgers for dinner. The babe fell asleep on the way and slept the whole time we were gone. . . so it was practically  like we were on a date alone together! The mountain air was refreshing, the food was tasty, and the company was pleasant. While JD was preparing our burgers, I wandered over to a nearby stream. In my few moments of reflection, I kept thinking, "I want to remember."   

I want to remember nights like this one. I want to remember the evenings we spent together, intentionally trying to connect and build our relationship. I want to remember the exhilarating rush of still being so in love with my husband. 

Commit.

I've read on blogs and books and other places I can't recall right now about the idea of choosing one word to focus on in a year. It's supposed to be like a personal mantra to help you re-direct your life when things get crazy and help keep you grounded when you need to find focus. I've heard word choices like simplify, joy, praise. . . those are pretty self-explanatory. I've also heard less ordinary ones like hokey pokey. . . which for the lady who chose it means letting go of perfection, learning to dance through life's storms, and laughing more. I like this idea of one little word to focus on and remember and I've been thinking for a few weeks about a word that would be suitable for my goals and needs in 2012.

My word this year is commit.

Commit to reading my scriptures daily. Commit to working out when I say I'm going to in my head. Commit to getting on my knees for prayer when my eyes are heavy and my body is weak. Commit to cooking at least one meal a week. Commit to recording more of my feelings in my journal. Less good thoughts, more committed actions. 

I'm trying to keep it simple. If I think to do something worthwhile or important, I want to commit to myself and my God that I'll just do it.

Bring it on 2012, I'm ready!

10 Things.

1) If I could eat anything right now, it would be... salt water taffy. 2) If I could be anywhere right now I'd be... walking on a beach. 3) When I was younger I used to love... to sit on the top shelf of my closet, surrounded by pillows, and read a book. 4) Someone I love very much is... leaving work early tonight so we can watch a movie and snuggle on the couch. 5) Today, I felt... motivated to work on my to-do list. Editing pictures for scrapbooking- check. Ordering prints- check. Running Jogging Walking- check. Making dinner- check. 6) People would describe me as... smiley. 7) I think I'm good at... having meaningful conversations and staying organized. 8) One day I would like to... be a mama. 9) In ten years, I hope that I am... a homeowner. 10) My dream is to one day... make a living being crafty.

Birthdays.

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday. JD spoiled me with breakfast in bed, gifts, lunch at Fuddruckers, pedicures, and dinner at Brick Oven. Birthdays are always a time of contemplation for me: Am I living my best life? Am I living the way I want to? Am I doing good in the world? How can I make this year better than last?

It blows my mind I've lived on the earth for twenty-two years. I haven't always been the best at recording my life. . . in fact, I can't even remember what I did for my birthday before age 16. I know one year in middle school I had a girly sleepover when my mom was out of town and decorated my room with streamers. And one time when I was really little I had a party by a big lake and got a Barbie from my Papa's family friend. But I was thinking yesterday about birthdays and it makes me sad I can't remember that far back. 

Here's what I can remember:  

On my 16th birthday, I had five of my friends from school over for a shaving cream war on our trampoline and we stomped around my neighborhood in our swimsuits and barefeet. One of the most memorable, for sure.

 

On my 17th birthday, I went downtown to San Antonio and ate at Hard Rock Cafe with Tiffany, Taylor, Alisha, and Gaby. (My scrapbook at home has the pictures, but my computer apparently doesn't).

On my 18th birthday, I was up at BYU and my new dorm friends, Paige and Alli, made me a pink cake and sang to me in the lobby of our hall.

On my 19th birthday, I celebrated by going to a breakfast cafe with three of my best friends, Angela, Kamera, and Holli. My mom served us cake on rose plates. Oh, and JD sent me flowers. :)

On my 20th birthday, I sat at home with my family and they sang me the birthday song. I skyped JD and dreamed of our wedding 20 days away.

On my 21st birthday, we lived in Washington DC and our friends, Jordan and Brittany, planned a surprise party with JD.

 On my 22nd birthday, I got my toenails painted red and bought a bright purple dress.

Almost forgot.

It was my Momma's birthday on Friday! People tell me all the time that I look like my Mom and I act like my Mom and the things I do remind them of my Mom. (My dad and husband tell me this a lot). Every time someone tells me this, I smile. It's just about the greatest compliment I could get.

I want to be like my Mom. She's a loyal friend, a good listener, a yellow lover. She laughs a lot, jumping and dancing around. She's selfless and helpful and faithful. I hope I can be half the Mother she is. Thank you, Mom. For supporting me. For encouraging me. For believing in me. For listening to me. For loving me. I can't imagine life without you. Happy Birthday!