"The stuff dreams are made of."

I've been feeling all kinds of mom guilt that I haven't given our new baby a proper introduction on the blog. How has he already been around for a whole month?!

Rhett Austin Knowlden was born on August 13, 2015 (7 lbs, 11 oz; 18 inches long). His entrance into the world didn't go anything like we had planned or hoped, but he made it here safely in the wee morning hours via C-section. We are grateful. 

I love this shot of us from our stay at the hospital. I look tired, but happy. Isn't that motherhood? It's draining work- changing, nursing, cuddling, crying, bathing, pacing, lifting, packing, folding, cleaning, loving. There have definitely been hard postpartum days where the tasks of parenthood seem overwhelming and annoying, but I'm trying so hard to cultivate a spirit of thankfulness and peace in my heart. Babies don't keep, you know? He's already so much more plump and squishy than he was when he got here!

The other night JD was able to get both sleeping kids out of their car seats and carried them inside (one on each shoulder) without waking them. I complimented him on his impressive Dad skills and he responded, "this is the stuff dreams are made of." He didn't want to lay them down and just soaked in their quiet goodness.

I've been thinking a lot about that phrase lately: "the stuff dreams are made of." I dreamed and planned and hoped for this stage in my life. . . my goal is to be present, grounded and grateful rather than frazzled, hurried, and resentful. 

Thank you, my little Tenley Mae and sweet baby Rhett, for refining me. You two, in so many ways, are making my dreams come true. 

Party of Four

It's been a long, exhausting journey to get to this exciting announcement: our family is growing! After a year and a half of trying to get pregnant and eventually some infertility treatment, it finally happened. The fact that our little one is due on our anniversary (August 14) doesn't seem like a coincidence to me. It feels like a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven, a reminder that He knows us, loves us, and wants us to trust His timing over our own. 

So, let's celebrate! JD, Tenley, and I will soon be a party of four!

Baby chicks.

My in-laws are the biggest animal lovers I know. They've had nearly every animal you can think of as a house pet (. . .okay, maybe not every animal). But currently, they have a few chickens residing in their backyard and we sure do love those fresh eggs!! A few days before Easter, the Knowldens got a few new baby chicks. Oh my adorable! Tenley had no idea what to think of those little chicks. She wanted to touch and hold them, but was terrified when they moved or pecked at her fingers. Haha, serious cuteness overload.

Big families

In the first few months after Tenley was born, I remember thinking to myself on multiple occasions, "I won't be able to do this when I have a toddler at my feet". . .and then, one day, panicking, I thought, "or when I have multiple children at my feet!" Gosh. Taking care of lots of little ones will definitely be a challenge!! Overwhelmed, I asked my mom: "How do you take care of a baby when you have to take care of your other kid(s)? Like, I feel like this is so hard and there's only one of her. I don't know if I'll ever be able to manage more children." And, wisely, she said,"You don't know what you're doing with one and you're figuring it out. You won't know what you're doing with two, but you'll figure it out." And I guess that's how mothering goes. . . you just kind of figure it out. 

I'm grateful for the journey. I'm grateful for the ups and downs of figuring stuff out. I'm grateful for the exhausting, not-so-glamorous, patience-trying, faith-testing, down and dirty moments of motherhood (and life, for that matter). I'm grateful for the things I learn from being a mom, a daughter, a sister. When all of my siblings were home together with my parents for Christmas, I remembered so clearly why I want a big family, why I'll stick it out through those trying moments of "figuring it out." More children means more laughter. More perspectives. More insight. More helping hands. More smiles. More support. More connections. More memories. 

It was so good to be all together again after Jake's two-year mission trip. Oh, I just love them so!

^^Supporting Morgie at a basketball game.^^

^^Christmas Eve at the Alamo.^^

^^Christmas Sabbath in our red Sunday best.^^

^^Being silly in the jerseys Jake brought home from Argentina.^^

Beach dreamin'

Sometimes, when it's cold outside and I'm stuck indoors, I can't help but dream of beach days. Oh, how I love the sun and sand!!

Birthday for the babe.

Our little lady turned one on Friday and we had a few friends and family members over to celebrate. I made taco soup and JD prepared an incredible video montage of her first year that we watched with our guests. Tenley was showered with gifts and love; we are so grateful for all the people around us who love her so dearly!

I sewed her a party dress with some darling red and blue prints. Those ruffles! The Peter Pan collar! A matching bow! I die. I didn't want to deal with a zipper and/or buttons in the back. . . so it was a bit of a tight squeeze over her head. . . but, man, I definitely love me a good handmade outfit :)

Rather than pick a "theme" for the party, I opted for colors. It was easier for me to plan and make decisions that way. 

Keepsakes for baby.

Today is October 12th. The due date of my first baby was October 11th (10-11-12!) of last year. I remember this day a year ago: I was anxious. I was a bit frustrated. I felt HUGE. I was ready, but also grateful to have a few more days to myself. I had no idea what to expect. I was worried I wouldn't know when I was in labor. I had so much on my mind. . . 

It's crazy that my baby girl turns ONE next week. A whole year. As you can imagine, I've been a little nostalgic as her birthday approaches. I love thinking about and remembering our time together so far! It's so important to me to record her life. Of course, I'm a big fan of scrapbooking and journaling, but I like to document her story in other ways too. I thought I'd share three special keepsakes from her first year of life as part of her b-day celebration. 

Creativity.

Random ramblings of the evening:

Creativity isn't just painting or sculpting or composing or designing or drawing or making. To me, creativity means creating something- anything- that wasn't there before.  It's figuring out how to arrange your canned goods in a cabinet to make it more functional. It's coming up with something for dinner using only ingredients you have on hand. It's finding motivation to exercise when you aren't in the mood. Every person is creative in how they think, behave and respond to life situations. Please don't say "you aren't a creative person". . . because I guarantee, in one way or another, you are!! 

PS. Creativity could even be discovering how to eat a banana ;)

Some thoughts on beauty.

My dearest Tenley,

I feel like the easiest platform to communicate my thoughts right now is in a letter intended for you. Of course, you can't read it right now. . . but I hope someday you will. 

When I was in high school, I knew a handful of girls who struggled with eating disorders and had other body image issues. My heart hurt for them as they battled with the defeating thoughts Satan planted in their minds. I, myself, sometimes went through phases when I had obsessive ideas of how to look skinny and pretty (in fact, I still go through those cycles sometimes!) 

Week in the Life: Monday

This week I am joining with other scrapbookers in Ali Edwards' "Week in the Life" project. I love the idea of really trying to capture what my days are made of: routines, habits, meals, projects, moments. All the little things I don't normally remember to document and record. Here's a look at our Monday, September 9, 2013.

 A baby girl who insists on being as close to me as possible.

My Vote for Babies.

There are a lot of new parents in the recreation therapy department where I work. One co-worker had a baby about a month before me; another had her son the day after me; my male co-worker announced his wife was pregnant shortly after we did; I just finished covering for my boss while she was on maternity leave; and the PRN we just hired has a 14-month-old. Whew! Babies! Other people often joke "there must be something in our water." Needless to say, we spend a lot of time offering advice, sharing tips, and exchanging stories. It's definitely been nice to have this little support group as I've transitioned into motherhood. 

ABC's.

When I saw this piece of scrapbook paper, I knew I had to have it. I loved the alphabet with so many fun patterns and colors, but I wasn't sure how to use the paper because I didn't want to cover any of those pretty letters. Enter exacto knife.

First time uncle.

My brother Isaac is about as cute as they come in his interactions with Tenley. He just turned 12 in March, but he's so tender and loving with my girl. . . sometimes I'm blown away. Love you, Ize!

Supplies: Green polka dot paper, letter stickers- Echo Park; Blue/green/yellow/white cardstock- DCWV; Office tab- Basic Grey; Colored polka dot paper- Project Life; Black pen- Zig Memory System; Number stickers- Studio Calico; Other- white brads, blue thread.

Baby bows.

I know there are gaggles of online tutorials of how to make bows similar (or nearly identical) to these ones, but I thought I'd share how I make felt baby bows. These are seriously easy peasy, but oh so cute!

Park baby.

Our girl is growing too fast! 

It's crazy how she can seem so big to us, but still be so little at the same time 

(she's in the 9th percentile for weight and 15th for height). 

Last week we took Tenley to the park for the first time. 

Cutest. Baby. Ever.

The cutest baby ever (and I mean ever!) turned six months old this week. Tenley can do so many things now. . . sit up, army crawl, reach for toys, play peek-a-boo, laugh at funny faces, throw major hissy fits, hold a bottle by herself, copy sounds we make, suck her thumb (much to our dismay!), and capture just about anyone's heart. If you want to indulge in her almost-unbearable-cuteness with me, I'll let you have a peek at her six-month photo shoot. . .

Curious, playful, active.

Last week, Tenley and I had a short day date for her five month photoshoot. I got the camera out with good intentions of getting perfect photos. The Little Miss had different ideas. Between giggling, trying to figure out what a camera is, playing with her toes, moving around the blanket, rolling over (and over and over!), excessively slobbering, grabbing at her bright shamrock month marker, and looking all around the room, she didn't seem to have time for posing. At first, I was disappointed with the way the pictures turned out. And then I remembered. . . the whole reason I'm taking these photos is to record her growth and development! This little series of pictures captures her personality so well right now- she's  just a curious, playful, and active baby. And, boy, do we love her!

Eeee! Four months.

Eeee! (This is my excited squeal). My girl is four months old. Yowza! Where does four months go? I feel like I'm just getting back into the swing of things after Christmas. . . and yet Valentine's Day has already come and gone! A lot has been happening in our house. Between this Momma starting work again, our family taking a trip to Texas, and a mini flood in our basement home, we've had our hands full over the last little bit. JD is gearing up for PA school applications and I'm trying to find the new balance between home, work, and church responsibilities with a little one. Even though there's always something else going on, JD and I are making conscious efforts to savor the sweet days with our Tenley girl. We often set our other duties aside to just lay on the floor and stare at her. We read her books, and rattle her toys, and lotion her body and think to ourselves. . . "How on earth did we get so lucky?!" 

This week I had a super spiritual moment as I listened closely to the words of a beloved song, "I am a child of God." As Tenley's parent, I want the very best for her. I want to provide for her and care for her and I want her always always to know how deeply she is loved. If I, as an imperfect, mortal being, can love someone so deeply and fiercely, then how much more must a perfect, powerful, eternal God love his children? This perspective into my Father's love for me was moving and touching. . . and definitely turned my heart to thankful prayer. What a wonderful blessing to be a child of God! What a gift to know of his love for me and for my earthly child! What a powerful message for all men! We are loved in the most perfect way by the most perfect being. I am so grateful for this faith-building experience.

And now! On to the stats:

At four months, Tenley is 23.5" long (25th percentile) and weighs 11 lbs 7 oz (10th percentile). Her head circumference is in the 30th percentile. Tenley can roll over from back to tummy and vice versa. She often brings her hands up to her mouth to suck on them. She makes good eye contact and sometimes bursts into gummy grins. On occasion, she'll laugh out loud and she frequently squeals and squeaks. She has super strong legs and a reputation in our home of bouncing up and down when the music turns on. She grabs her toes, and my fingers, and my hair, and basically anything she can get a good grip on. She's developing such a cute little personality and we just love her.

One month update here. Two month update here. Three month update not available d/t mommy malfunction ;)

Last December.

I journaled this last December:

Dear little one,

Hopefully this is our last Christmas without you. We think about you often. Daddy tells me all the time how much he wants you here with us. I think he knows I want you too. . . I'm just so fearful. Motherhood seems so big and scary sometimes. But God keeps whispering to me that I'm ready. I do the dishes and imagine you playing at my feet. I go to the grocery store and think of meals you may like one day. I make stuff and plan in my head how I'll do kid-friendly crafts someday. When Dad and I are out and about or doing our thing at home, I think of ways we'll make it work when you get here. Before I make purchases, I think, "Should I save this money for our baby?" We don't have a lot, but we are blessed beyond measure with the love of our little family and the sweet peace the Gospel brings. When you get here, I think our hearts may burst with joy! We are praying for and thinking of and loving you. Send us love from Heaven! 

Merry Christmas, 

Momma

Feeling so grateful tonight to have our angel baby here with us this Christmas season.

Live nativity

Our family was lucky enough to participate in a live nativity this week. A family in our neighborhood puts on the nativity every year in memory of the woman's mother, who died of cancer. All profits go to cancer research and other charities. They re-create the ancient city with Roman soldiers, donkeys, llamas, bread makers, basket weavers, and lots of games and noise and commotion. Then, guests travel down a path to a separate stable where Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus are sitting quietly. JD and I played Mary and Joseph and our sweet girl got to be the part of our Savior. We sat in the stable for an hour and a half and pretended like we were the parents of Jesus Christ. Humbling, to say the least. Tenley wasn't perfect the whole time. There were crowds who saw her crying and being soothed by a bright green pacifier. . . but there were other times when she stared up at the people in wide-eyed wonder and the Spirit was so strong. I loved the reactions of young children- "Look, Baby Jesus!" "It's a real baby." "Jesus was such a cute baby." "I love Jesus." 

Knowing we were going to be in the nativity, I've been thinking all week about Mary and Jesus and the real reasons I celebrate Christmas. It's been good to have those thoughts in the back of my mind as we've pulled out all the red and green decor, set up our tree, and hung up our lights. This season, as always, I hope my choices reflect my belief in and love for the Savior.