Do what you know

This blog has sat dormant for more months than I'd like to admit. There are multiple reasons, I suspect. Having young children. Buying my first home. Accepting a job promotion. Running a (very) small business. My husband applying for graduate programs and eventually deciding to start nursing school. But probably the biggest reason, I'd say, is because I've been depressed.

 

It's weird for me to type that. It's weird for me to experience it, really. I've had an optimistic, cheerful outlook for most of my life. I've been an advocate for happiness. For sunshine. For positivity and joy. To feel the darkness of reality creeping in and settling in my heart has been and continues to be disturbing for me. I don't have full-blown Major Depressive Disorder, as far as I can self-diagnose from studying the DSM-5. But I do have some marked symptoms: feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, unexplained tearfulness, diminished interest in activities that used to bring fulfillment (ie. blogging, scrapbooking, journaling), restlessness at bedtime, energy loss, and excessive, irrational guilt. I am anxious a lot about things I have no control over. It is difficult and I've been putting off addressing it because the idea of addressing it makes me even more anxious. But, then. . . I went skiing.

Birthday buddies.

Tenley and JD are birthday buddies. Ten turned two on Saturday (how?!) and today is JD's big day (he's 29). I remember being a little bummed when she was born that JD would always have to share his birthday week with her. . . but I got over that quickly because, I mean, how long can you stay bummed when you've got a sweet new baby? I digress. I tend to do that. Oh gosh. . . 

Now, I kind of like the idea of having their birthdays so close together because it allows me to really celebrate two of my biggest blessings. This birthday week provides a very obvious opportunity for me to reflect on and express gratitude for my family.

These two. They're a playful duo- always finding ways to add spontaneity, giggles, and light to my life. I'm grateful they let me in on the fun.

Golden Birthday

I turned 25 on July 25th. For some inexplicable reason, 25 seems like a landmark age to me. It's kind of a big deal, I suppose. As a teenager, I remember thinking, hypothetically, "By the time I'm 25, x, y or z." You know, like I should be accomplished and have stuff to show for myself by now? Haha. . . I definitely DO think I've done some pretty neat things so far in my life and so I decided to throw myself a golden birthday party to celebrate the big day. JD was my right-hand man through it all. I sent out invitations, reserved a pavilion at a park, made gold frosted cupcakes, assembled gold centerpieces, and even bought & altered a gold-toed boot piñata. Talk about a party ;)

It was stressful to have the party outside when the weather forecast was expected to be gloomy. I was so anxious! However, everything went off without a hitch (thanks, in big part, to my family who was in town from Texas). Thank you to everyone who came to help me celebrate! To me, it was a magical evening of good conversation, good friends, and good food. All the makings of a good birthday.

Camping season

The weather is warming up and it's camping season again! I never knew I'd fall in love with camping quite the way I have. Perhaps, I should've seen it coming. . . an affection for the crisp mountain air runs in my blood. My dad is definitely a camping man. However, the Texas heat doesn't really lend itself to an enjoyable camping experience, so we didn't go much at all while I was growing up. Things have changed. JD's a pro at this camping business and makes it a point to go regularly with our little fam. We've camped in the snow, camped with friends, camped with family, camped with just the stuff off our backs, camped in our living room, and camped with a baby. Basically, I feel like I've done it all ;)  

We'll be camping again this weekend with JD's family. It's a fun tradition and I love spending time with them around the camp site. In anticipation of the upcoming trip, I uploaded a few scrapbook layouts from some of last year's camping adventures.

Beach dreamin'

Sometimes, when it's cold outside and I'm stuck indoors, I can't help but dream of beach days. Oh, how I love the sun and sand!!

Miss Independent wanted me

Tenley has been such a stinker lately about doing things HER way. If I try to give her a bite of food from a fork, she'll push it away. . . but if I let her eat it with her hands, she'll gobble it up. If I try to read her a book, she'll throw it. . . but if she can hold it herself and turn the pages, she'll look at it for several minutes. If I try to give her kisses, she'll turn and thrash her head. . . but if she decides she's in the mood, she'll give tons of slobbery smooches. Basically, she likes to do things on her own or as she pleases. And sometimes she acts like she doesn't want me- rude!

On a family outing recently, Tenley changed her mind. 

10 Things Right Now | Summer

1. I've been reading the original Peter Pan for several weeks, but keep forgetting about it. Every time I spend a few minutes in the pages of Neverland, I'm filled with childlike wonder and awe. It really is magic. I'm going to finish the book this week. 

2. I haven't scrapbooked in months. This is very unlike me and I miss the creative outlet terribly. Each week, I have good intentions of getting some pages done. . . but then scrapping seems to repeatedly fall to the bottom of my "to-do list."

3. A lot of things seem to keep falling to the bottom of that list (not to mention just dropping off completely. . .) Mostly, I've just been playing and snuggling with my little one because I know someday I'll miss these days terribly. I sometimes use "cuddling time" as an excuse not to get anything else done ;) 

4. I wear the charm bracelet JD got me for my birthday/our anniversary almost daily. I love it.

5. Whenever I'm in Provo for BYU games or sister visits, I long to be back. I miss being a student. But when I think about the situation logically, I realize I'm older than most people on campus and it's okay for that chapter of my life to be over. It's simultaneously heartbreaking and thrilling. 

6. I really enjoy watching college football. 

7. JD recently convinced me to invest in the Adobe Creative Suite 6. I am both intimidated and excited by the thought of learning how to use all this new design software.

8. I recently re-discovered how much I enjoy Hershey's cookies-and-cream chocolate bars.

9. It's hard to believe my little brother returns home from his two-year church service mission this week. Argentina was lucky to have him, but we're so excited to get him back!

10. I started feeling really yucky on Friday night. When I woke up on Saturday, I could hardly move I felt so terrible. JD had been looking forward to camping all week and I didn't want to rain on his parade so we decided to go anyway. I was a little nervous, but it ended up being a very good decision. I just took it easy while JD did all the work of preparing food and managing camping gear. . . and somehow the fresh air and smell of the wild cured me. On Sunday, I was totally back to normal!

 (This picture is so funny to me! Gotta love that wild bed-head camping hair.)

Fall in Utah.

Last Friday evening, my family drove up a canyon near our home. . . and oh. my. gosh. the sights were breathtakingly beautiful. The fall in Utah is so pretty! I'll go ahead and add "autumn" to the list of things I'll miss when we leave. 

Being up there reminded me of all the beauty that surrounds me and how much I have to be grateful for. The last week or so has been a bit rough for me. I've been discouraged by the government shutdown in the US, overwhelmed by the unknowns of the future, crestfallen by my husband's rejection letters from P.A. schools, disheartened by all the negative, horrible things happening on the news, and feeling mostly just low-spirited in general. I sometimes get this way. I'm one who feels things deeply and, on occasion, the sadness of the world just sits heavy on my heart. That's why I need nights in the canyon :) To be reminded of the earth's beauty. To remember the joy that can be found in the little things. To feel God close to me. 

(It also helps to have a dashingly attractive man and sweet-spirited babe around to ease my troubled heart!)

I Want to Remember.

One night last week JD and I traveled up the canyon near our home to cook hamburgers for dinner. The babe fell asleep on the way and slept the whole time we were gone. . . so it was practically  like we were on a date alone together! The mountain air was refreshing, the food was tasty, and the company was pleasant. While JD was preparing our burgers, I wandered over to a nearby stream. In my few moments of reflection, I kept thinking, "I want to remember."   

I want to remember nights like this one. I want to remember the evenings we spent together, intentionally trying to connect and build our relationship. I want to remember the exhilarating rush of still being so in love with my husband. 

Park baby.

Our girl is growing too fast! 

It's crazy how she can seem so big to us, but still be so little at the same time 

(she's in the 9th percentile for weight and 15th for height). 

Last week we took Tenley to the park for the first time. 

Study breaks.

Over the last few weeks, JD has needed a few "study breaks." He's been majorly bogged down with schoolwork- preparing for (and taking!) the GRE, trying to figure out Organic Chemistry, and prepping for his final exams. The most memorable "study break" we've had so far was taking Tenley to meet the horses in our neighborhood. 

Zion National Park Day 2

More beautiful landscapes. More cute, curious looks on Tenley's face. More family time together. More wonders of the earth. More sounds of rushing water. More special moments. More green plants against red rock. More snapshots. More baby-carrying. More happy-faced husbands. Oh, and definitely more slobbery kisses. 

Zion National Park

A few weekends ago JD, Tenley, and I roadtripped down to Saint George, Utah for a little vacay. It was totally last minute and spontaneous, but definitely a much needed break. While we were in the area, we spent a few days hiking in Zion National Park. Talk about some gorgeous views! It's hard to really capture in words or pictures the awe-inspiring, breathtaking majesty of those mountains. Tenley loved being outside and looking around at all there was to see. We loved being with her to experience her first taste of the mountains (With JD as her Pops, I'm sure there will be many more mountain memories in her future!) On the first day, we hiked up the Lower Emerald Pool Trail and our reward at the end was a pretty little waterfall. So lovely! But aside from the natural landscapes we enjoyed, we also got to look at this cute baby in her precious hiking hat. . . which, admittedly, may have been my favorite part ;)

Ten Days.

Happy October! Our first little pumpkin is due to arrive in ten days. Ten days! By golly, I can count that many days down on my fingers. However, I have a sneaking suspicion she's going to hold out a little longer. In any case, we are ready for her! Every night we fall asleep thinking about and praying for and dreaming of our first sweet baby. Gah, we are just giddy with excitement!

Over the weekend, we recruited Mikella and Ty as photographers for a pre-baby shoot. These photos were taken in Farmington, UT on Sunday evening with me at 38.5 weeks pregnant.

Reel time.

JD has spent the last few months taking trips up to his parents' house to build some foldable kayaks with his dad. He finished the final step, painting his masterpiece, last week (I still need to paint mine!) and so we decided to put these babies to use. We spent a few hours up American Fork Canyon on Saturday kayaking, fishing, and enjoying the beautiful mountain scenery. JD named his kayak "Reel Time," meaning real time is when he's reeling in fish. He's such a mountainman and I love to see him in his happy place. I'm so proud of the work he put in to these kayaks and know we'll make some good memories using them again and again. 

JD went fishing. . .

in the Uintah mountains

 with some friends and family

and caught this:

Have you ever seen such a pretty fish?

It's all about the climb.

Last weekend, we went backpacking (!!) to Lake Mary near Brighton Ski Resort with our friends, Jordan and Sara. It's only a mile up, but sure feels like a heck of a lot longer when you have all you need to "rough it" over night on your back.

On the way up, we found a mountain waterfall (so beautiful!) and a momma moose with her baby (so scary!) The little moose family was just feet off the trail we were hiking, so we had to venture off a bit and find a new route to Lake Mary.

We might've illegally scaled a fence and crossed the dam, ignoring the "no trespassing" signs everywhere. (Not my idea, I assure you). But, man oh man, was the view worth it at the top!

We set up camp in a little cove of trees perfect for our pair of tents. In the morning, we did a day hike to Lake Catherine, a few more miles up the mountain. Jordan and JD braved the cold, buggy waters and got in for a swim. Sara and I sat on a rock and drowned ourselves in bugspray.

I have to admit- it was beyond gorgeous. The mountains were breathtaking. The wildflowers were bright and beautiful. The animals were fascinating. We fed little chipmunks the almonds from our trailmix; we got closer to a moose than I ever imagined I would and were dumbfounded by its gigantic head, ears, and body; we were mesmerized by a bluebird circling our camp. I had to stop a lot of times (especially going up!) because I was winded and needed water, but I also had to stop periodically just to take it all in.

We were all exhausted by day two, but agreed that sometimes it's so nice to just get away for a bit and enjoy the outdoors.

Thank you, lovebug, for introducing me to a world I never knew. Thank you for ignoring the complaints that started before I ever stepped foot on the mountain and reminding me on the way up that it'd be worth it at the top. Oh, and Dad? I was listening to you singing Miley Cyrus in my head all the way up: "There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move, always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side. . .It's the climb. Keep on movin, keep climbin, keep the faith baby. It's all about, it's all about the cliiiimb."

Don't worry. . . we'll go again. Eventually. . .

Camping with the family.

Despite the intense heat, overcrowded camping grounds, and obnoxious neighboring campers, JD and I tried to provide my family with a fun camping experience while they were here. JD made tinfoil dinners, Peach cobbler, and mountain man breakfast for us. . . and it was all delish.

In the morning, we took turns on the big tree swing at Burraston Ponds. Momma, Lindsey, Morgan, and Isaac were too chicken, but the rest of us braved the high platform. Of course, JD was a show off with his back-flips. . . and he even attempted a front-flip! He's impressive. It took all my will-power to just jump.

The mountains are so beautiful here. Sometimes I don't take enough time to soak it all in.